The Rocky Horror Fanfic Show
by Cececat
Summary: Why did Frank and his servants visit Earth? How did Columbia end up living at the castle? Every RHPS fanfic writer has their own answers to these questions... and I've decided to share mine in a webseries. I've also decided to post the first draft of the script for people to read. If enough readers show interest we might even film an originalized version. (Please Read/Review!)
1. Episode 1 Prologue

**Disclaimer: I don't own** ** _The Rocky Horror Picture Show._**

 **A/N: I wrote this 4/24/2017. That's quite a while after the rest of it. We want the pilot to be about 20 minutes, you see, and this helps. As always... please enjoy!**

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(The Bridge. Riff is sitting in the pilot's chair, carefully watching a computer screen full of various information crucial to flying the castle. Magenta stands nearby, trying not to fall asleep.)

 **Riff** : You can go to bed, if you'd like.

 **Magenta** : I'd rather keep you company (pause) How soon will we land?

 **Riff** : soon.

 **Magenta** : ah, so I might as well stay up.

 **Riff** : Did I say how soon?

 **Magenta** : Well-

(Suddenly, the ship shakes and the many computers beep.)

 **Magenta** : What is it?

 **Riff** : We've... arrived.

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 **Please Review!  
**


	2. Episode 1, scene 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: Originally 'Episode 1, scene 1' was the first chapter of this story. As of 4/15 I began writing new scenes so that episodes would be closer to 25 minutes, so we could make use of interesting filming locations near my home, and so that Frank could have more screentime (he was absent from later episodes). I hate him more than my character ever could but he's really popular and makes a fascinating antagonist.**

 **Hopefully everyone likes it!**

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(Magenta and Riff Raff are sitting outside the castle in some sort of beautiful forest. Both look bored)

 **Magenta** : so this is Earth?

 **Riff** : yes, dear.

 **Magenta** : it's rather green.

 **Riff** : I've noticed.

 **Magenta** : weren't we supposed to be landing near a town?

 **Riff** : there's a town past all the trees.

 **Magenta** : when do we go home?

 **Riff** : you keep asking that question and I keep answering it - when we're ordered to by the people back home.

 **Magenta** : so, when he's dead. We're like Napoleon's guards... we can only leave once we've brought upon his untimely but well-deserved death.

 **Riff** : indeed.

 **Magenta** : not that poisoning him would be good for us in the long run.

 **Riff** : I should think not. (Pause) Why don't we return to the castle? The heat of this too-near sun seems to be addling our brains a bit.

(Cut to them sitting at the kitchen table looking awkward)

 **Magenta** : So... won't we run out of supplies eventually? Can you calculate any sort of 'return home by' date? You _are_ the Mr. Mathematics of the family.

 **Riff** : we'll be able to resupply everything with the help of nearby Earthling settlements, save for fuel.

 **Magenta** : will we run out of fuel parked like this?

 **Riff** : it does decay at a known rate. We got here with about 90 Imperial Cubic Measures of fuel. If the fuel decays at a rate of 0.03 percent how much do we have left in ten years?

(Draws equation "A(t) = 90 (1-0.03)^10 on paper or a whiteboard - probably the latter, because those things are everywhere in the house of a mad scientist)

 **Magenta** : I flunked algebra, honey.

(Finishes writing the answer, after typing into an ancient-looking graphing calculator he found in his coat. What mad-science lab assistant doesn't keep a graphing calculator in his coat?)

 **Riff** : after ten years we've decayed to 66 Imperial Measures.

 **Magenta** : How much do we need to get home?

 **Riff** : 50.

 **Magenta** : I'm not waiting that long.

 **Riff** : I doubt we'll have to. (Pause) Perhaps you should go wake up the Master and tell him we've arrived. It'll take your mind off of things.

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 **A/N: The so-called prologues will probably be before the opening credits. There's a name for that, which I can't recall.**

 **Please Review!**


	3. Episode 1, scene 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" or its characters. Basically everything in this script was borrowed from that film. Sorry, 20th Century Fox.**

 **A/N: some friends of mine were going to film this script. We've got a cast and a location and everything, but we're postponing it until later in the Spring. Other projects, bad wintery weather, etc are getting in the way currently.  
**

 **UPDATE: we've started filming! This scene was one of the first.**

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( _The living room. Magenta is sweeping the floor, in theory, whilst reading something Gothic. After a moment her brother enters_ )

 **Riff** : We're going to visit the Earthling town.

 **Magenta** : who's 'we'?

 **Riff** : the Master and myself.

 **Magenta** : oh. Do be careful.

 **Riff** : Earth isn't dangerous, it's just dull.

 **Magenta** : how could we know? It's only been a few of their weeks since we got here.

 **Riff** : we aren't the first to visit this planet. Many have before, and they've since deemed it unfashionable. But you know I can't just stay here in the castle all the time when the Master is wandering about the surrounding area. Don't you remember our mission?

 **Magenta** : of course I do. Do you remember the old saying: "And now for something completely different"?

 **Riff** : what does that have to do with anything?

 **Magenta** : it doesn't, I just… I don't know why I said it.

 **Riff** : Do you even know what it means?

 **Magenta** : something regarding a change of activity?

( _Pause_ )

 **Riff** : Well, goodbye… my love.

 **Magenta** : have fun working, dear.

( _She kisses him on the cheek. Then, they do that weird 'alien secret handshake' from the movie._ )

 **Riff** : have fun… being at home.

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 **Please Review!**

[Filmed 3/25]


	4. Episode 1, scene 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: This is scene two (the shortest scene of all). Let's hope it's funny, and worthy of reviews...**

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(The foyer. Enter Frank and Riff Raff in coats, the latter dragging Columbia. She's tied up in a net of some sort, blindfolded, and gagged. Poor girl.)

(They throw her onto the floor.)

 **Riff** : my sister will not be pleased by the presence of an Earthling.

 **Frank** : that's not important. The Earthling girl is my pet.

 **Riff** : I thought she was my science project.

 **Frank** : she's that too. And your foolish sister has no say in this, sugarplum.

 **Riff** : you clearly don't know her well enough. She will not cooperate.

 **Frank** : she will. Go get her for me.

 **Riff** : she doesn't like that...

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	5. Episode 1, scene 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: I might as well post the entire 'episode 1' script today. It's finished, just not formatted. There's only about six scenes, luckily.**

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(The living room. Magenta's arms are crossed, she's glaring at her brother. He's a bit guilty-looking, or perhaps frightened-looking.)

 **Magenta:** you brought WHAT home?

 **Riff** : _the_ _Master_ brought home an Earthling.

 **Magenta** : have you tested her for sickness or radiation yet? Did you even bring a decent scanner with you? Was she carrying anything with her? Did you two even empty her pockets? Why have you allowed something so risky?

 **Riff** : my dear-

 **Magenta** : don't you 'my dear' me, mister.

 **Riff** : it wasn't my idea.

 **Magenta** : I know. It's easy to take it out on you, of course, since you're standing right in front of me.

 **Riff** : yes. Why do I put up with you, again?

 **Magenta** : because you _love_ me.

[they look at each other all sweetly, and it's very cute… for a moment. Then they're back to being serious.]

 **Riff** : you know, the Master told me to bring you to him. It would probably be a bad idea to disobey.

 **Magenta** : he's stopped punishing me because I enjoy it so much, so it hardly matters if I ignore his orders… yes?

 **Riff** : one day he may really kill you, or hurt me in your place.

 **Magenta** : that wouldn't do. (Pause) Perhaps I really should go talk to him… or whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing.

 **Riff** : indeed.

 **Magenta** : can I bring something to defend myself with? That is, for when I meet the Earthling.

 **Riff** : we've got her bound and gagged.

 **Magenta** : I still don't want to risk it, my love.

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 **Please Review!**

[Filmed 3/25]


	6. Episode 1, scene 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The_ _Rocky Horror Picture Show._**

 **A/N: Scene 4. Hopefully it's funny...**

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(Columbia is alone in the foyer, still tied up though now missing the blindfold. She's struggling a bit with the ropes)

(Riff enters the room. His sister soon follows him… wielding a sword and a 'Star Trek'-esque laser gun.)

 **Magenta** : that's her?

 **Riff** : yes, dear.

 **Magenta** : what's the netting? It makes her resemble a fish, though not in the usual way.

 **Riff** : it's a trap.

 **Magenta** : is this how you caught her?

 **Riff** : in a way. I am an engineer, so I know how to do these things - though not how to explain.

 **Magenta** : I am a studier of languages, literature, and history of many cultures across the universe. I know how to behead someone with a longsword and stun them with a 3rd Edition Transylvanian laser pistol and recite to them a lovely poem in Ancient Norse… all the same time.

 **Riff** : please don't behead or even stun this creature. I want to keep her in good condition long enough to run some tests on her biological make-up.

 **Magenta** : what should I do, then?

 **Riff** : babysit her… keep her out of trouble until later.

(He leaves)

 **Magenta** : do you have a name?

(Columbia nods, and tries to explain that she can't talk.)

 **Magenta** : you want me to take off the gag?

 **Columbia** : (nodding) mmhhhmm.

(Magenta does so. She smiles, somewhat creepily at the girl)

 **Columbia** : my name is Columbia.

 **Magenta** : lovely. What are you doing here?

 **Columbia** : can you untie me? Or cut the ropes with that sword?

 **Magenta** : Untie you? There's something only a fool, or someone suicidal, would do. You could attack me or try to escape. For all I can tell you might have weapons hidden about your person. If you do it would be wise to admit so, mind you.

 **Columbia** : look, I'm a freakin' tap dancer. I'm as harmless as they get!

 **Magenta** : fascinating.

 **Columbia** : who are you?

 **Magenta** : a maid.

 **Columbia** : a maid?

 **Magenta** : a maid. (sings) Everybody ought to have a maid, everybody ought to have a working girl… everybody got to have a lurking girl… to putter about the house!

 **Columbia** : "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum"? My grandma loves that movie!

 **Magenta** : speaking of all of that, what's your story? Do you have any living relatives besides the grandmother? Where did you grow up?

 **Columbia** : I don't mean to be rude, but that's not your business.

 **Magenta** : it is. You're a stranger in my home, an invader of my territory. I can question you.

 **Columbia** : I thought you were the maid, not the owner.

 **Magenta** : I am the maid. Though I'm more of a housewife, really, despite not being married to the Master of the house.

 **Columbia** : ma'am, you don't look like any housewife I've ever seen.

 **Magenta** : it's the sword and the gun, yes?

 **Columbia** : and the clothes. (Pause) when can I go home?

 **Magenta** : how should I know?

 **Columbia** : you did say you have more power than maids usually do.

 **Magenta** : power has nothing to do with it. As you surely overheard, we haven't decided exactly what you're for. We might keep you for quite a while as a pet or science project or something.

 **Columbia** : that's illegal, I think.

 **Magenta** : we don't obey the local laws. ( _Pause, looks at a clock or pocket watch_ ) Stay here, girl. I need to cook dinner.

(She leaves)

 **Columbia** : ( _aside_ ) I'm trapped, aren't I? It's like an episode of the twilight zone. What will I do…? Stop talking to myself, that's what I'll do. Only crazy people do that. I'm not crazy - these ropes are too strong to be imagined. Maybe I'm in a coma, somehow… or maybe this really is happening. At least the Maid is sort of nice…

("20 Minutes Later" sign)

(Columbia hasn't budged, though she looks more tired. Suddenly, Riff enters the room)

 **Riff** : where did she go?

 **Columbia** : to cook dinner, I think. Why do you ask?

 **Riff** : I told her to keep an eye on you.

 **Columbia** : she did for a while. It's alright, I haven't moved or attempted escape or anything.

 **Riff** : good. Did she try to question you?

 **Columbia** : yeah. It didn't do much good.

 **Riff** : usually it does.

 **Columbia** : Maybe I just don't have enough to say. But why does she question people?

 **Riff** : She doesn't trust anyone she doesn't know very well. It's pointless to try to keep secrets from her for too long, she always figures things out in the end. I'm the only man she's ever loved and we've known each other since childhood.

 **Columbia** : really? That's sweet, I think.

 **Riff** : indeed. Now, the Master has summoned you to dinner. That means I'll have to untie you. I'm going to stun you with this laser first so you don't try to leave. The effects should wear off soon enough. Ready?

(Before she can reply he shoots her. Sharp fade to black, symbolizing her losing consciousness **)  
**

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	7. Episode 1, scene 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show._**

 **A/N: there's some swearing here. It's nothing beyond PG-13, I'm pretty sure.**

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(Columbia wakes up in the dining room. She's already been seated at the table. The only other person in the room is Frank. He's partially shrouded in shadow… making him creepier than usual.)

(Magenta enters, carrying a covered tray. She places it on the table)

 **Frank** : is that dinner?

 **Magenta** : (deadpan) yes, Master.

 **Frank** : is there enough for the Earthling?

 **Magenta** : (deadpan) yes, Master.

 **Frank** : are you busy tonight?

 **Magenta** : (deadpan) go fuck yourself, Master.

(She leaves)

 **Columbia** : that wasn't so nice of her.

 **Frank** : oh, she's always like that around me. I used to try to punish her for it.

 **Columbia** : "used to"?

 **Frank** : it's a waste of time, since she enjoys it so much.

 **Columbia** : **oh.**

 **Frank** : do you have any servants at home?

 **Columbia** : no. They wouldn't fit.

 **Frank** : that's sad. (Pause) So you live in a small apartment? Alone?

 **Columbia** : isn't that why you kidnapped me?

 **Frank** : no, I just thought you were so very young, so very cute, sweetsie-pie.

 **Columbia** : do you usually kidnap girls you find cute, or only those who apparently look underage?

 **Frank** : I've never done anything like this before - cross my heart. You're just special.

 **Columbia** : no kiddin'?

 **Frank** : definitely no "kiddin'".

 **Columbia** : okay… so what's for dinner?

(Frank uncovers tray to reveal something that looks vaguely Ancient Roman in a bad way)

 **Frank** : bon apetit, as they say in Gaul!

 **Columbia** : "Gaul"?

 **Frank** : yes. Don't you know anything about geography?

 **Columbia** : I guess not.

* * *

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	8. Episode 1, scene 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

* * *

(Magenta is in her room, attempting to clean up the clutter and smoking a cigarette with a fancy cigarette holder. She looks quite thoughtful in an anxious sort of way.)

(Columbia enters)

 **Magenta** : what is it?

 **Columbia** : um, Frankie says I'm supposed to be sleeping in here.

 **Magenta** : really?

 **Columbia** : yeah.

 **Magenta** : oh. (Pause) Would you like to sit down, for now?

(She gestures towards the floor, which is littered with stuff. Awkwardly, Columbia sits down on a few pillows.)

 **Columbia** : thanks.

 **Magenta** : please don't step on anything nice when you eventually stand up.

 **Columbia** : you're supposed to say 'your welcome'.

 **Magenta** : is that so?

 **Columbia** : yeah.

 **Magenta** : I'll try to remember that. (Looks at the clock) Ye Gods!

(Magenta begins changing into some, er, mildly suggestive sleepwear [sort of 1930s burlesque-ish outfit]. She's behind a door or some piece of furniture so the camera cannot really see her. The girls continue to talk as this happens)

 **Columbia** : what's wrong?

 **Magenta** : nothing that concerns you. Anyway... you can sleep in my bed tonight, Earthling girl. Just don't cause any trouble or wear my clothes or something. I'll be in another room the whole night.

 **Columbia** : and you're trusting me to not cause a problem?

 **Magenta** : I'm betting that you're even less harmful than most Earth-people - the whole place is officially classed as merely "mostly harmless" - and won't have the abilities or imagination to cause much damage in such a short span of time, especially after an eventful and tiring day.

(Now Magenta is finished getting dressed, though still smoking the cigarette somehow.)

 **Columbia** : (in response to Magenta's clothes) I don't even wanna know, do I?

(Rolling her eyes, Magenta leaves the room)

* * *

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	9. Episode 1, scene 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: This scene is short and weird.  
**

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(The next morning. Magenta and Riff Raff are in a very plain bedroom(?). Both lie on the bed(?) together in a mostly un-suggestive way. It's rather romantic/cute, unlike the words of the conversation they're having… which are almost spoken as if they're about the weather...)

 **Magenta** : are you going to dissect the Earthling?

 **Riff** : (sarcastically) no, we're going to make her the main course of a dinner party.

 **Magenta** : darling…

 **Riff** : we probably will study her for a while. The Master wants a Mistress, though, so I might be forced to keep her in a state suitable for such use... why do you ask?

 **Magenta** : I don't. You know me, always liking to hear about your work.

 **Riff** : it would be your work, too, if you'd bothered with the sciences.

 **Magenta** : I wish I had. Language and history - how useless! All I ever do is cook for you boys, and pretend to clean.

 **Riff** : you're very good at it. How long has it been since you last fried a batch of those spiced Dormice?

 **Magenta** : too long. We don't have the right ingredients for anything good here.

 **Riff** : I'll try to find you some next time I leave for the whole day.

 **Magenta** : please do! That's much better than bringing home an earthling.

* * *

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	10. Episode 1, scene 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: You might notice, if you've read a lot of my stories, that this script resembles my earlier story _Something Like Friendship._ It was originally going to be a more direct adaption. **

* * *

(Magenta is getting ready for the day, now in her room. Columbia is still sleeping. After brushing her hair a bit Magenta turns to look at Columbia)

 **Magenta** : pathetic, harmless creature… why did I ever fear you?

(She then leaves the room. Soon afterwards Columbia wakes up)

 **Columbia** (aside): I'm still here. It's not a dream, is it? God, what terrible luck I have…

(She begins looking around the room for something to wear, then gives up. The messy clothes she's wearing will do for now.)

(So she leaves the room, camera following her into the hall.)

 **Columbia** ( _aside_ ): to the kitchen we'd better go… I smell more waffles.

(After a bit of aimless wandering Columbia eventually finds the kitchen and her roommate)

 **Magenta** : it's you.

 **Columbia** : are you still angry at me?

 **Magenta** : oh, I wasn't ever angry. I just perceived you as a threat and reacting accordingly. Now I realize how harmless you are and no longer plan to interrogate you or anything.

 **Columbia** : good.

 **Magenta** : you still might be hiding something, just not something dangerous. I've got a feeling you're up to something harmless.

 **Columbia** : I have a right to hide some things, yeah?

 **Magenta** : as long as your secrets don't cause any trouble for the Master, my brother, or myself.

 **Columbia** : don't you hate him? The Master, I mean.

 **Magenta** : I do hate him. Though if he's not happy we're really fucked, foolish girl, so we mustn't cause trouble for him.

 **Columbia** : really?

 **Magenta** : of course. Would you like waffles for breakfast?

 **Columbia** : yes please. They're my favorite.

 **Magenta** : good. They're one of the few Earthling dishes I can cook.

 **Columbia** : you did well last night.

 **Magenta** : is that so?

 **Columbia** : you're supposed to say thank you.

 **Magenta** : that's an Earthling thing, yes?

 **Columbia** : I guess it is. (Pause) How soon will the waffles be done?

 **Magenta** : now.

(She serves Columbia a few of the already cooked waffles. Columbia sits down at the table.)

 **Columbia** : are you going to eat any?

 **Magenta** : maybe. I'm waiting for my brother.

 **Columbia** : I feel like you're serving me. It's weird, being waited on. I never had servants or anything… this is strange.

 **Magenta** : tell me about your past. Why were you alone, dancing in the street?

 **Columbia** : you keep asking. Don't you know I'm not going to answer? Didn't you just agree that I have the 'right' to hide harmless information?

 **Magenta** : I can always hope you'll reveal something. If you were more dangerous I'd torture information out of you. Alas, I wouldn't be able to let myself. You're pathetically harmless, almost embarrassingly so…

 **Columbia** : that's not so nice to say.

 **Magenta** : it's true.

 **Columbia** : whatever. Now, will you let me eat my breakfast in peace?

 **Magenta** : I suppose so.

* * *

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	11. Episode 1, scene 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: This is the end of the 'pilot'. I've written the entire season, which I'll complete posting later.**

* * *

(Magenta's bedroom. She's peacefully reading a book, while Columbia paces around fearfully)

 **Columbia** : I overheard you and Mr. Igor talking about dissecting me.

 **Magenta** : we weren't.

 **Columbia** : you were.

 **Magenta** : fine, we were. But didn't you hear the alternative?

 **Columbia** : no.

 **Magenta** : really? Well, the Master wants a mistress. He knows that his servants are off-limits and that you don't have much else to do… so you must choose: the scalpel or sex.

 **Columbia** : the scalpel or sex? Is that a bad horror movie?

 **Magenta** : don't be a fool. I'm serious.

 **Columbia** : well, I don't really want to be chopped up on a lab table… can you make sure nothing violent happens?

 **Magenta** : I swear to keep you safe… if you tell me the biggest secret you're keeping. The one that you keep worrying I'll guess.

(Columbia whispers something in Magenta's ear, Magenta laughs lightly)

 **Magenta** : that's your secret? Really?

 **Columbia** : yes. Will you promise to keep them from killing me?

 **Magenta** : of course. We're going to be the best of friends, dear girl.

 **[ end of episode one] **

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**


	12. Episode 2, Prologue

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: This scenes (as well as a few others) was written 4/15 because I thought the episode needed fleshing out. We've got at least two living room 'sets' (one of which we've already filmed on) so I'm trying to write about such rooms. The more rooms/buildings we use the bigger the castle seems!  
**

* * *

(The living room. Magenta and Riff are watching TV or something.)

 **Magenta** : you know, I just realized something...

 **Riff** : What?

 **Magenta** : I haven't seen the Earthling since early this morning. Where is she?

 **Riff** : The Master has taken her to town for some reason.

 **Magenta** : (quietly) Let's hope he doesn't leave her there.

 **Riff** : Why?

 **Magenta** : she knows to much, obviously. Why else?

 **Riff** : you've become oddly focused on her.

 **Magenta** : she's hard not to focus on. Haven't you noticed she sleeps in my room? Not to mention she's become rather attached to _me_.

 **Riff** : do think she's got Stockholm Syndrome?

 **Magenta** : perhaps you're right. I have been the nicest to her, out of the three of us.

 **Riff** : you would probably be the lesser of three evils to her. Dogs seem very fond of those who feed them and you cook for her.

 **Magenta** : I cook for everyone. (Pause) Enough of this. Why talk about her when she's somewhere else - when they're _both_ somewhere else?

 **Riff** : I see where this is going.

(Kissing or related behavior ensues)

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	13. Episode 2, scene 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: Here's the first scene of 'episode 2'.**

* * *

(Magenta's bedroom. Columbia is pinning posters to a wall. They're all for different bands - some fictional, like the 'Juicy Fruits' or 'Wyld Stallyns', and others real. Numerous posters relate to David Bowie.)

(Enter Magenta)

 **Magenta** : what's going on here?

 **Columbia** : I'm just decorating a bit.

 **Magenta** : this is my bedroom. Therefore, you must ask me before 'decorating'.

 **Columbia** : I'm sorry - I just got carried away. I was awfully excited, after going to the music store with Frank earlier.

 **Magenta** : Is that where you were?

 **Columbia** : Yeah.

 **Magenta** : Who are these people, on the posters? I don't think I've heard of any of them.

 **Columbia** : Not even David Bowie?

(Magenta looks closely at the poster of him. She frowns.)

 **Magenta** : I've heard of him. Most of my people have. Is he really a rock star now? I might be a bit behind the times.

 **Columbia** : What?

 **Magenta** : Nothing. It's just that he's not exactly from Earth.

 **Columbia** : David Bowie's an alien?

 **Magenta** : An experiment. We sent a random child to Earth and left him to be raised by Earthlings. I find the whole thing a bit immoral. It's really not your business.

 **Columbia** : I'm surprised you're telling me.

 **Magenta** : I'm getting used to you, silly girl. It's only been a few Earth-weeks since you ended up my roommate… how dreadful. If I say anything about my home, or something relating to it, do pretend you hadn't heard me.

 **Columbia** : I will. Anyway… have you heard any of Bowie's songs? Or have you just heard of him?

 **Magenta** : As I said, I didn't realize he'd become a rock star. What do you think?

 **Columbia** : That you haven't heard his songs. Sorry, Magenta… do you want me to play some of his music? It's really gear.

 **Magenta** : 'Gear'?

 **Columbia** : 'Cool'. 'Awesome'. I picked it up from Ringo, as seen in the movies.

 **Magenta** : What in Jove's name is 'Ringo'?

 **Columbia** : a starr, kinda like Bowie. I'll tell you about him later. Now we've got to listen to Space Oddity - Bowie's first real hit.

 **Magenta** : We've "got to"?

 **Columbia** : You'll like it, I swear.

 **Magenta** : I never approved of the experiment, you know… it seems cruel.

 **Columbia** : this is about the music, not the man himself.

 **Magenta** : Fine. Play the songs.

(Columbia turns on a cassette/CD/something player and the intro to Space Oddity plays.)

(Cut to a few hours later, after a lot more music has been played)

 **Columbia** : told you he was great.

 **Magenta** : And I never agreed.

 **Columbia** : You totally loved it, though.

 **Magenta** : Fine. The music was good. I still cannot bear to think about the experiment centered 'round him.

 **Columbia** : Then don't think about that. (Pause) So are you a fan, now?

 **Magenta** : perhaps.

 **Columbia** : should I show you some more music now?

 **Magenta** : I've got to go make lunch. Goodbye, foolish girl.

(She leaves)

 **Columbia** : (aside) I think she means it in a nice way. If I were so foolish why would she still hang out with me?

* * *

 **Please Review!**


	14. Episode 2, scene 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Show_**

 **A/N: Here's some of the 'new' stuff written circa 4/14 to 4/16.  
**

 **Earlier I stated that I wanted to add more involving the character Frank, in which he's a more obvious antagonist. He's always there intimidating people in the background, and he gets very jealous sometimes (notably when he yells at Janet for 'stealing' Rocky, in the movie).  
**

* * *

(The Hallway. Magenta is walking to the kitchen. Frank shows up, 'corners' her)

 **Frank** : Why the hurry?

 **Magenta** : I've got to go make lunch. Why'd you stop me?

 **Frank** : because I can. Power's a fantastic thing, isn't it?

 **Magenta** : I wouldn't know, Master. I don't intimidate or sexually harass people as a hobby.

 **Frank** : you're a sarcastic little thing - a _clever_ girl. On paper you're harmless, but you've got such a fine brain. I know you could outsmart the lot of us.

 **Magenta** : what are you saying?

 **Frank** : you've got too much power for my taste, too many secrets belonging to other people. I've got a a sort of power you haven't.

 **Magenta** : yes, yes, you're the prince.

 **Frank** : and I'm an expert at seduction. If you do anything that annoys me - such as spend too much time with _my_ toy, my Earthling pet - you'll regret it.

 **Magenta** : so you'll force me to sleep with you if I don't keep away from my own roommate? Do you really need another mistress? Isn't that what the Earthling herself is for?

 **Frank** : you're different, though. You wouldn't enjoy it... you'd feel _guilty_. (Laughs lightly)

(She leaves, disgusted)

* * *

 **Please Review!**

 **A/N: Too creepy/dark? I'm not sure.**


	15. Episode 2, scene 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: Are people liking this? There's only one favorite... no reviews, no follows. IF people review enough I might write a season 2 after season 1 is posted.  
**

* * *

(The kitchen. Magenta is making sandwiches, which appear sort of evil, for lunch. As she chops up lettuce and so on she hums 'Life on Mars'. Eventually she sings the second half of it.)

(Columbia shows up near the end of this 'performance' and claps)

 **Columbia** : that was great!

 **Magenta** : Thank you.

 **Columbia** : Are you alright?

 **Magenta** : What?

 **Columbia** : You look a bit sad and you were being oddly polite.

 **Magenta** : I thought I was supposed to say 'Thank you'.

 **Columbia** : technically… but you don't, at least not to me. What is it?

 **Magenta** : Just all this nonsense about Bowie.

 **Columbia** : I do get why you're upset-

 **Magenta** : You don't. Just as I don't understand monotheistic cultures, you don't understand my point of view. You weren't raised on my home-planet and I wasn't raised here. You've got even less of an advantage because you weren't.

 **Columbia** : Or maybe I've got more of an advantage. I don't know any bad stories about your home so I'm not prejudiced.

 **Magenta** : Am I prejudiced?

 **Columbia** : You hate me because I'm from Earth.

 **Magenta** : No, I'm just like this to most people I see as inferior.

 **Columbia** : You see me as inferior. That's you being Anti-Earth.

 **Magenta** : For all you know, missy, I could just dislike you personally.

 **Columbia** : Yet you vowed to keep me safe.

 **Magenta** : I know. I'm starting to wish I hadn't.

 **Columbia** : Why?

 **Magenta** : Because you're the sort who's bound to cause trouble!

 **Columbia** : I meant 'why did you vow to keep me safe?'

 **Magenta** : Oh. Well, I'd rather not discuss it.

 **Columbia** : Does this have to do with the secret I told you?

 **Magenta** : Not really, no. It's more that I despise admitting my weaknesses to people.

 **Columbia** : What does your promise have to do with weaknesses?

 **Magenta** : I thought that Earthlings were all heroic types or cruel villains, like the sorts that end up in history books. All I knew were rumors. When I met you I saw my own fear and confusion reflected in your eyes. Happy?

 **Columbia** : So you saw yourself in me and liked it?

 **Magenta** : I want to be there for you in ways nobody could be there for me. It's terribly silly, I know.

 **Columbia** : It makes you seem a lot more like an actual human, you saying that.

 **Magenta** : I am human… I just grew up in outer space.

 **Columbia** : So you aliens are the same species as me?

 **Magenta** : (lying) In theory. We're not totally sure, though.

 **Columbia** : At least it gives us another thing in common.

 **Magenta** : Meaning?

 **Columbia** : We're both human, we're both sorta lost in a way, and we both like David Bowie. Speaking of him, when you're finished putting together lunch I've got to show you some other CDs. There's so much great Earthling music out there!

 **Magenta** : Is that so?

 **Columbia** : Yeah, "that's so".

(Both girls burst into wild laughter)

* * *

 **Please Review!  
**


	16. Episode 2, scene 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show._**

 **A/N: I will admit, episode 2 isn't too exciting. It's mostly just random stuff regarding 1960s-70s music. The point is that the girls are bonding and learning to understand each other.**

* * *

(Magenta's room. Both girls sit on the floor, surrounded by CDs [I know that's historically inaccurate, but I've got all the right CDs already].)

 **Columbia** : This here is the Velvet Underground's debut album.

 **Magenta** : What's 'Nico'?

 **Columbia** : A singer they collaborated with.

 **Magenta** : Really? Sounds like the name of an illness.

 **Columbia** : No it doesn't.

(Magenta takes the CD case and begins to inspect it)

 **Magenta** : What does a banana have to do with music? Is it some sort of sexual symbolism? I studied the writings of Dr. Freud, you know, so I know a lot about the dirty minds of earth men.

 **Columbia** : I never really paid attention to the banana, but you're probably right…

 **Magenta** : I've been trained to inspect or interrogate foreign things I encounter. By now it's automatic.

 **Columbia** : That's nice...

 **Magenta** : Not really. I just spent far too much time analyzing a drawing of a banana.

 **Columbia** : Moving on…

 **Magenta** : To what?

 **Columbia** : Uh, the Beatles.

 **Magenta** : They are no more insects than Nico was a disease, I'm sure.

 **Columbia** : They're four adorable guys from Liverpool.

 **Magenta** : England?

 **Columbia** : Probably. I'm not the best at geography. Anyway, the Beatles are awesome! Everyone loves them! Of course, they did break up about four years ago…

 **Magenta** : What are the names of these… Beatles?

 **Columbia** : John Lennon and Paul McCartney and George Harrison and Ringo Starr.

 **Magenta** : Oh. So this was the 'Ringo, a star' you previously spoke of?

 **Columbia** : Yeah.

 **Magenta** : Fascinating.

 **Columbia** : Is it? (Pause) Around here everybody knows the Beatles. It's real funny having to explain it…

(Riff Raff is standing at the door)

 **Riff** : What's being explained?

 **Magenta** : The strange music that's popular here.

 **Riff** : (sarcastically) Sounds delightful.

 **Columbia** : (missing the sarcasm) it's really great, the stuff I'm showing her.

 **Magenta** : Some of it honestly is good, my darling.

 **Riff** : Well, you can tell me about it later. I have more important things to be doing.

(He leaves)

 **Columbia** : What's his problem?

* * *

 **Please Review!**


	17. Episode 2, scene 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_  
**

 **A/N: This is the end of episode 2. Everything that isn't the pilot is quite short. Each episode is a day-in-the-life style, rather than something with an actual story arc. In _theory_ all add up to be a story. **

* * *

(Riff's bedroom, aka a dismal corner of a secondary lab [not the one seen in RHPS]. He's sitting on the bed, reading a book, while Magenta paces 'round. She's in her nightdress while he wears his usual suit)

 **Magenta** : Why are you angry at me? I know you are, so don't try persuading me otherwise.

 **Riff** : Why do you think?

 **Magenta** : Am I spending too much time with the stupid Earthling? Is that it? Why not just tell me so?

 **Riff** : Because it was just that obvious. Before you'd always spend your freetime with me and now you don't even sleep in here.

 **Magenta** : I'm not cheating or anything.

 **Riff** : I know you'll never do that, my darling. But you must admit this friendship needs to be balanced with everything else.

 **Magenta** : You want me to spend more time with you?

 **Riff** : Yes. What else would I want, dear?

 **Magenta** : (smiles) Well…

 **Riff** : That was a rhetorical question.

 **Magenta** : Really?

 **Riff** : Yes.

 **Magenta** : You're no fun.

 **Riff** : It's time for bed, dear, not fun.

 **Magenta** : Fine. (Pause) I'll sleep here tonight, though I was contemplating sleeping in my own room. Perhaps I really should spend more time with you, as I used to.

(The gets into bed)

 **Riff** : Goodnight, my dear.

(He clicks off the light)

* * *

 **Please Review!**


	18. Episode 3, scene 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own _ **The Rocky Horror Picture Show**_**

 **A/N: Here's the start of episode 3. This episode gets a bit racy by the end...  
**

* * *

(Columbia is in Magenta's room, trying to find something to do. She encounters a small bust of Vladimir Lenin next to a John Lennon CD/Record/something.)

 **Columbia** : there's Lenin… and Lennon's music…

(Then she wanders over to some books. The one she chooses, eventually, is "History of Transylvania, Volume I" by Gaius Cececatus.)

 **Columbia** : "History of Transylvania"? By Gaius Cececatus? Sounds like an illness, or a plant.

(Enter Magenta. She's very angry when she sees what Columbia is reading.)

 **Magenta** : What are you doing, stupid girl?

 **Columbia** : Uh, just looking through your books. That one looked cool.

 **Magenta** : 'That one' is off-limits.

 **Columbia** : Really?

 **Magenta** : Indeed. (Takes the book from Columbia) Now, go play with your stupid music machine or flirt with the Master or something. Forget this book.

 **Columbia** : Why?

 **Magenta** : I can't tell you that. Just know that it's a very bad idea, meddling with things you aren't meant to.

 **Columbia** : Okay…

 **Magenta** : Now, it's time for dinner. That's the original reason I came looking for you.

 **Columbia** : What's for dinner?

 **Magenta** : Oh, it's a surprise. I will say you're eating with the Master tonight.

(Pause)

 **Columbia** : You just want some time alone with your brother.

* * *

 **Please Review!**


	19. Episode 3, scene 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: We've actually started filming, finally. After about two hours of setting up we ended up spending nearly an hour filming two scenes (1 & 3, from episode). It was a _lot_ harder than I expected. Hopefully we'll film more later. **

* * *

(Dining room. Frank has already sat down at the table, and waits ominously for dinner. Soon enough Columbia shows up… followed by Magenta, who carries the food)

 **Frank** : Hello, dearies.

 **Columbia** : Hey.

(Magenta sets down the tray of food, smirking a bit)

 **Frank** : Leave us.

 **Magenta** : Yes, lil' Soldier Boots.

(Then Magenta leaves in smug silence.)

 **Columbia** : What was that about?

 **Frank** : Oh, just an old joke - don't repeat it, though, since I find it offense

 **Columbia** : I won't… Sir.

 **Frank** : Don't call me 'sir', it ages me! It's what we call librarians and many other dull people.

 **Columbia** : Yeah?

 **Frank** : Yes. Now, it's time for us to eat. Afterwards we'll go to bed.

 **Columbia** : What will we eat?

(Frank lifts the tray's lid)

 **Frank** : Nice plump dormice!

 **Columbia** : What?

 **Frank** : They're a delicacy on more civilized worlds.

 **Columbia** : No kiddin'?

* * *

 **Please Review!**


	20. Episode 3, scene 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

* * *

(The kitchen. Riff and Magenta are sitting there with a bottle of fancy alcohol. Magenta is smoking and still smirking.)

 **Riff** : You're up to something, dear - aren't you? What have you done?

 **Magenta** : You had said that I wasn't spending enough time with you. So, I drugged their food.

 **Riff** : Clever, but dangerous.

 **Magenta** : They'll sleep until morning, I'm sure of it.

 **Riff** : How? I'm the scientist.

 **Magenta** : I studied your books.

 **Riff** : Didn't they bore you?

 **Magenta** : I suffered through that. Now I know quite a bit about figuring out dosages of this of that.

 **Riff** : I am both proud and horrified.

 **Magenta** : Thank you, my darling. (Pause) Shall we retire to my room for the evening?

* * *

 **Please Review!**

 **A/N: Pictures of yesterday's (3/25/2017) filming can be found on my DeviantArt Account (Cececat1). If you scroll through enough posts you'll also find some 'Rocky Horror' maps and other fanart. Most stuff I post is either bad drawings of people or me in ridiculous costumes... at least the maps are cool.  
**


	21. Episode 3, scene 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: This scene is pretty weird. I wanted to reference _I, Claudius_ because I love that show (Pat as Livilla and Christopher Biggins as Nero!). The easiest thing to do seemed to be re-enacting the blocking from the 'almost sex-scene' with Livilla and Sejanus. Other scenes would've been too. Of course, given that _I'm_ playing Magenta, that might not happen. A lot of things might not happen because of that. Columbia's actress is twice my age (awkwardly) so we're having to cut any serious romance between them. The actor playing Riff is almost twice my age, but he doesn't mind.  
**

* * *

 **Scene 4** :

([note: this scene is a parody of the "let's kill Livilla's husband" scene from 'I, Claudius'. Some of the dialogue is nearly the same and the camera-angles/blocking will be. Therefore I won't bother with writing stage directions])

(Magenta's bedroom. Magenta and Riff are standing by the door)

 **Riff** : You're sure they'll still be asleep by morning?

 **Magenta** : Don't you trust me?

 **Riff** : Not as a scientist.

 **Magenta** : Let's just enjoy things while we can, darling. It's a special occasion for us, a treat.

 **Riff** : Indeed. We can't just go 'round drugging our employer every other night.

(? Improvise some things, parody lines from "I, Claudius"...)

* * *

 **A/N: Yeah, not the best scene. Due to the fact that it's likely to get scrapped or something I decided to only write bits of it. Any thoughts?  
**

 **Please Review!**


	22. Episode 3, scene 5-6

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: Scene 5 is so short that I just added it to the same chapter as scene 6.** **On a random side-note, we're filming more of the pilot today (4/1/2017) and taking cast photos. I'll post some pictures of the set, plus the cast pictures I mentioned, later!  
**

* * *

 **Scene 5** :

(Magenta's bedroom, much later. Magenta and Riff are asleep at this point. In sneaks Columbia)

 **Columbia** (aside): Oh, this is awkward. Let's hope they don't wake up.

(Carefully, she walks over to the bookshelf and steals the history book she'd been looking at. Then, she leaves)

* * *

 **Scene 6** :

(The living room, late at night. Columbia is reading the alien history book)

 **Columbia** : This is weird.

(Enter Magenta, looking very annoyed)

 **Magenta** : What are you doing?

 **Columbia** : You told me not to read this so I really wanted to. I think it's called the forbidden fruit effect.

 **Magenta** :I told you not to for your own good. What's the use in me swearing to protect you when you make things worse yourself?

 **Columbia** : Sorry.

 **Magenta** : You probably aren't.

 **Columbia** : I really don't mean to do anything wrong… and this book really is pretty interesting.

 **Magenta** : Is that so?

 **Columbia** : Is it true?

 **Magenta** : What?

 **Columbia** : That you're from Rome.

 **Magenta** : Yes, we're Romans - rogue Romans.

 **Columbia** : Then why do you hate Earth?

 **Magenta** : It's not home. I was very happy once and now I'm here in this foreign place. And Earth has been quite foreign indeed for many centuries. Ever since that odd little monotheistic cult went all mainstream things just sort of stopped being familiar.

 **Columbia** : What cult?

 **Magenta** : Those funny little bastards with the martyring and the crosses and the codexes and so on.

Columbia: Do you mean Christians?

 **Magenta** : Perhaps. They're weird, aren't they?

 **Columbia** : My Mother really likes Jesus and bibles and all, and she's not too weird. I guess I'm more used to it than you.

 **Magenta** : Indeed. You'd probably laugh at augury.

 **Columbia** : What?

 **Magenta** : people who interpret the future by watching the flight patterns of birds.

 **Columbia** : Does sound kinda silly.

 **Magenta** : When we figured out Warp-speed space travel we stopped believing in them, too. (Pause) Don't do anything like this again, this book-stealing. This nonsense about our Roman ancestors is trivial… yet one day you might learn something truly terrible if you read my books without my permission.

 **Columbia** : Speaking of things that shouldn't be done again, what was up with you drugging us?

 **Magenta** : I just wanted some time alone with my brother.

 **Columbia** : No offense, but that's a bit gross.

 **Magenta** : it's perfectly alright.

 **Columbia** : It's not, honestly. But that's still not the biggest problem here. You freakin' drugged us!

 **Magenta** : I didn't drug you.

 **Columbia** : You tried to… and you would've succeeded if you'd given me pizza for dinner.

 **Magenta** : Oh! You didn't eat the Dormice, did you? It's a shame - they're one of my finest recipes.

 **Columbia** : Why _dormice_?

 **Magenta** : They're one of our finest delicacies back home. I assumed everyone liked them.

 **Columbia** : Next time you need a food everyone will like try pizza. I sure don't like dormice - and I'm glad, 'cause I would've passed out if I'd eaten them.

 **Magenta** : The effects would've - will've? - worn off by morning.

 **Columbia** : Are you sure?

 **Magenta** : Of course. And I promise not to do it again, at least not up you.

 **Columbia** : just as you promised to keep me safe?

 **Magenta** : I have kept you safe. Are any of your internal organs missing?

 **Columbia** : No. Well, I don't think so.

 **Magenta** : Then I've done as I swore to. (Pause) It's time for bed. You can sleep in the dirty laundry or something. We can keep talking tomorrow morning.

 **Columbia** : Okay…

 **Magenta** : (Tiredly) Guten nacht…

(She leaves)

* * *

 **A/N: The 'Roman revelation' had been part of the plan all along. Read some of my other stuff and you'll see. It's not a joke or anything - I hate April Fools Day.**

 **Please Review!  
**


	23. Episode 3, scene 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: Here's the final scene of this episode!  
**

* * *

(The next morning. Magenta is cooking breakfast in the kitchen. Enter Riff Raff.)

 **Riff** : you need a serious job, dear sister. We all do.

 **Magenta** : What?

 **Riff** : If we all have something to do outside the house things might be safer. Too much time here and something… unpleasant may happen.

 **Magenta** : Is that so?

 **Riff** : You drugged the Master so he'd sleep the whole night. Please don't tell me you just did that so we could have sex without being interrupted.

 **Magenta** : Fine, I was having fun figuring out the doses. Maybe I should've gone to a science school! Chemistry is marvelous. (Pause) Are you saying I'm up to something?

 **Riff** : No, but you're a woman-

 **Magenta** : So I'm prone to conspiracy and discreetly murdering with poison. Everyone knows that. But I'm not actually contemplating a specific homicide… at least not currently.

 **Riff** : That's the point. You aren't plotting anything now, but boredom might cause you to. Even I may start to set the ray guns on 'kill', rather than 'stun'. We need jobs.

 **Magenta** : I see. (Pause) But what about the Earthling?

 **Riff** : What about her?

 **Magenta** : Will we find her something to do or send her back to her old job? Lately she's been getting bored and reading what she really shouldn't.

 **Riff** : Before we acquired her she'd been a follower - a groupie - of tacky local rock bands. Her bills were about three months behind, she owes money to unpleasant people. The cheap hotel she'd been staying at seems very pleased that she's disappeared. There's a real reason she hasn't attempted escape, you know.

 **Magenta** : She never told me any of that!

 **Riff** : She didn't tell me, either. Some unsavory persons, in the bad part of town, did when I put a knife to their throats. You really need to work up the courage to leave the house - I know you can.

 **Magenta** : So I can meet unsavory persons?

 **Riff** : For many reasons. As I said, we all need jobs. though you'll need to learn to behave.

 **Magenta** : Do you think I ever will? Learn to behave?

 **Riff** : I should hope so. At least you know not to give away important security information, in theory.

 **Magenta** : I did try to keep her out of everything, she's just too inquisitive!

(Pause)

 **Riff** : Hm. This conversation seems to be going in circles.

 **Magenta** : It does. Why were you here in the first place?

 **Riff** : I was looking for Breakfast.

* * *

 **Please Review!  
**

* * *

 **A/N: The cover has been updated to include screenshot of what we filmed. After two days of filming we've filmed nearly 2/3rds of the pilot and, therefore, have enough screenshots to make a nice cover including the actors.**

 **Yeah... I know that our 'Columbia' is a lot more Asian-looking than Little Nell... she was too good at the character, you see, and one of the few people willing to act in this.**


	24. Episode 4, Scene 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: Two Saturday and we've only filmed four scenes. I wish we'd gotten around to more. I've got more than four episodes written and it'll probably be August before we're done with 'em. Oh well... at least you guys can read the scripts.**

* * *

(The living room. Magenta, Riff, and Columbia are thinking of false names for the first two so they can got job hunting in town)

 **Magenta** : I'd like to call myself Madeline, and my brother Roderick.

 **Riff** : Why not something subtler?

 **Columbia** : I don't get it.

 **Magenta** : Read "The Fall of the House of Usher", by Edgar Allen Poe.

 **Columbia** : Oh. So… those names are out?

 **Magenta** : Apparently.

 **Columbia** : Uh, Patricia is a nice girls name. Not to mention it's very popular - it doesn't stand out…

 **Magenta:** (giggles) 'Patricia'! That's a word in out language which could be loosely translated to mean 'upper class woman' or perhaps 'lady'

 **Riff** : Isn't 'lady' translated as 'Domina'?

 **Magenta** : 'Domina' is closer to 'female master'.

 **Columbia** : So… Patricia's a good name?

 **Riff** : It suits her well.

 **Magenta** : It's a word.

 **Columbia** : Magenta is a word.

 **Magenta** : Please don't remind me.

 **Columbia** : Patricia can be shortened to 'Pat' or 'Tricia'.

 **Magenta** : 'Tricia' sounds like a schoolgirl, 'Pat' sounds like an Irish Lassie who drinks an' sings about movies… both are alright enough.

 **Columbia** : Riff Raff, sir, we should call you… Terry! That's a fantastic name. Two of the Python boys are called 'Terry'.

 **Riff** : "Python boys"?

 **Columbia** : Monty Python boys, I should say. They're these four Brits and an American who are very funny… they've got a TV Show.

 **Magenta** : What will our surname be?

 **Riff** : I know it won't be 'Usher'.

 **Magenta** : How did you know I was going to say that?

 **Riff** : I know you.

 **Magenta** : Indeed… darling.

 **Columbia** : Oh, please stop flirting with each other! Any ideas for last names?

 **Magenta** : Usher?

 **Riff** : Addams?

 **Columbia** : 'Addams'. There's the perfect name for you two…

* * *

 **A/N: I've sure got a lot of _views_... but not to many re- _views_! What a terrible pun. You guys don't have to review, I'd just like it... just viewing is technically enough.  
**


	25. Episode 4, scene 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show._**

* * *

(Magenta's bedroom. She's getting ready to go visit town - fixing her makeup, etc. Columbia watches)

 **Columbia** : Is there anything you want to know about Earthlings? Before you visit their town, that is.

 **Magenta** : You tell me.

 **Columbia** : I was trying to see if you wanted any specific information.

 **Magenta** : Well, I don't.

 **Columbia** : Okay. (Pause) Some general tips would be… 'don't argue with drunk people', 'avoid taking drugs from strangers', and that 'physical violence can get you arrested'.

 **Magenta** : You're starting to bother me.

 **Columbia** : Don't worry. That kinda stuff happens in the bad part of town.

 **Magenta** : I won't be going there.

 **Columbia** : No you won't.

 **Magenta** : Then what's the use of anything you just said?

* * *

 **Please Review!**


	26. Episode 4, scene 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

* * *

(The Living Room. Magenta and Riff are standing there, rather awkwardly. Both wear jackets.)

 **Riff** : Here are our ID, filled out with false credentials. (hands her an ID) You must remember that we're calling ourselves Terry and Patricia Addams.

 **Magenta** : I will.

 **Riff** : I'll drive the both of us into town. Then we'll split up.

 **Magenta** : Are the citizens of this… Denton… as harmless as our Earthling?

 **Riff** : Yes. Don't worry, my dear. I shall look after you.

(Kisses her)

 **Magenta** : How? You won't be with me.

(Riff takes two communicators out of his jacket.)

 **Riff** : We'll talk using these. You remember 'em from the training we had to go through.

 **Magenta** : I always thought that we'd use them whilst traveling through the forest or something, running from Lions. Are there lions in forests?

 **Riff** : I don't think so.(Pause) Let's go.

* * *

 **Please Review!  
**

 **...and tell me if you'd watch this series if/when it's on YouTube. Or tell me if you like it. Reviews are very important, guys, any fanfic writer knows it.  
**


	27. Episode 4, scene 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

* * *

 **A/N: The 'original character' Violet is dedicated to FireandBloodandKittens because she's a great friend and reviews so many stories! I would let her _play_ the character if only she didn't live so far away from me.  
**

* * *

(The sidewalk behind a series of shops. Magenta stands there, alone, clutching her communicator)

 **Magenta** (rehearsing): "Hello, my name is Patricia Addams and I am here to inquire after a position." Gods, that sounded bad. "Hello, my name is Patricia Addams and I am here to inquire after a job." Better, I suppose…

(She looks around and soon spots a 'help needed' sign on the door of one of the shops. Magenta enters the shop. It's a cafe, mostly empty. The only people in sight are a middle-aged woman behind the counter and a very grumpy man talking to her.)

 **Anthony the Rude Man** : ...with their ugly hats, and funny ways of doing things, and all their banks… they're taking jobs from poor old God-fearing Christians like-

 **Magenta** (mockingly): What are you on about? Someone's taking jobs from Christians? Good for them! Why, I can't bear the thought of all those God-fearing Christians keeping their jobs. I think we should got back to the old tradition of crucifying them when they're naughty!

 **Anthony** : What's wrong with you? You're on the side of the Jews, the foreigners?

 **Magenta** : No. I just don't like Christians. Also, I'm a girl so you're not allowed to hit me. (Flirtatiously) I know you want to…

(The rude man is tired of being taunted, so he leaves. The woman at the counter - Violet Weiss - bursts out laughing.)

 **Violet** : I'm glad you stood up to him like that, kid.

 **Magenta** : Why don't you?

 **Violet** : Oh, I try to be nice to customers. I'm the owner of this place. (Pause) Who are you?

 **Magenta** : My name's Patricia Addams, and I'm looking for a job.

 **Violet** : Oh! You saw my sign.

 **Magenta** : Yes. (Pause) What's your name, again?

 **Violet** : Violet Weiss.

 **Magenta** : Two colors. Fascinating.

 **Violet** : What?

 **Magenta** : Your first name means 'purple', as well as being a flower, and your surname is German for 'white'.

 **Violet** : Nobody's ever pointed that out before, but you're correct. What a sharp-minded girl you are.

 **Magenta** : Is 'sharp-mindedness' a quality you look for in employees?

 **Violet** : Mostly in friends. Because you helped me out by getting that guy to leave I think I consider you such. You're a friend at first sight, Miss Addams!

 **Magenta** : It's Mrs. Addams.

(Violet is slightly disappointed by this)

 **Violet** : Well, Mrs. Addams-

 **Magenta** : Call me 'Patricia'.

 **Violet** : Patricia. I'd be pleased to offer you a position here, since we get along so well. You can serve coffee and pastries when there's too many people for me to handle alone.

 **Magenta** : Does that happen often?

 **Violet** : Oh, often enough that I've decided I need help.

 **Magenta** : Obviously.

 **Violet** : What hours can you work?

 **Magenta** : Any during daylight.

 **Violet** : Can you start today? Tom Majors and some of his friends will be here this afternoon. They'd get along with you very well. (Pause) I'm only saying this because I'm guessing you're new around here.

 **Magenta** : I am. Who's Tom Majors?

 **Violet** : My brother's daughter's boyfriend's younger brother.

 **Magenta** : _What_?

 **Violet** : My niece Janet has been dating a man named Brad for four years. Brad has a 15-year-old brother named Tom. Now, since Tom is even more of an outcast than me I've adopted him as an 'extra nephew'. We're very good friends.

 **Magenta** : Are you actually an outcast?

 **Violet** : Yes. I would probably be the receiver of regular cruelty if I weren't a girl. Even the worst of men know that hurting a girl is the worst they can do, at least in the eyes of their mothers.

 **Magenta** : Why would people beat you up?

 **Violet** : They wouldn't.

 **Magenta** : You said that, if you weren't a girl, you'd get beat up.

 **Violet** : If I were a fairy I'd get beat up. I'm the female edition so people don't get as upset. People still think I'll grow out of this even though I'm 44.

 **Magenta** : Where I'm from people draw the line at siblings. This place is quite conservative in comparison to what I'm used to. (Pause) You act as if people openly despise you, yet your shop is well kept and manages to support you. Look at your clothes - wool and silks of higher quality, well dry-cleaned. If you were totally shunned that wouldn't be affordable. You're overreacting… or something.

 **Violet** : My girlfriend of many years just left me. I'm feeling sort of terrible about it and nobody wants to admit I've ever had a girlfriend, so I can't talk to anyone. I guess I was being a bit dramatic about the likelihood of me getting beat up. (Pause) Are you here to question me or to ask for a job?

 **Magenta** : I don't mean to pry, it's just instinctive.

 **Violet** : You're strange. Though you also treat my behavior as totally normal. I'm liking you better every second.

 **Magenta** : Tom accepts you, yes? That's why you're such great friends.

 **Violet** : He's the nerdy son I never had. It's more than just his acceptance of me.

 **Magenta** : I can't wait to meet him. (Pause) So… do I have a job now?

 **Violet** : Yes.

 **Magenta** : Can I call my husband and tell him I'll be staying in town for a while?

 **Violet** : Sure. There's a phone in the back, there… and a pay phone down the street.

 **Magenta** : I might as well use the payphone, get some fresh air.

(She leaves the shop and, once outside, calls Riff on the communicator.)

 **Riff** (voice): What is it?

 **Magenta** : I've got a job… Mr. Addams. You can go home for the afternoon if you'd like.

 **Riff** (voice): Are you serious, _Mrs. Addams_?

 **Magenta** : Indeed, _Mr. Addams_!

 **Riff** (voice): Call me when you need to be picked up.

 **Magenta** : I will.

* * *

 **Please Review!  
**

 **A/N: That scene was astoundingly bizarre, to put it lightly, and way too long. The lengthier lines will most likely get trimmed down quite a bit, partly due to the fact nobody will want to memorize 'em! My cast/crew (they overlap) is made up of hobbyists with varying day jobs.**

 **Also... about the religion stuff in this chapter... it doesn't reflect my personal views. It's not even about Christians or Jews when you think about it. Rather, it's about how people can be idiots and the pointlessness of prejudice. The character Violet and her friend group - they're all people who get prejudiced against. _Rocky Horror_ fans are, or maybe were, a bunch of outcasts. So I guess that's going to be my 'tribute' to those kinds of people... as well as one of the most serious aspects of this show, if the viewers like that idea.  
**


	28. Episode 4, scene 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: I wrote this after reading about how people in the '70s thought pulsars were aliens signalling. It's also a joke on the fact that our hobby-'actress' playing Columbia has a PhD in Astrophysics (I'm not kidding).**

* * *

(Living room. Columbia is reading a science magazine/journal. Enter Riff, looking annoyed)

 **Columbia** : Hi! (Pause) Where's Magenta? Is she okay?

 **Riff** : of course. She's perfectly fine.

 **Columbia** : where is she?

 **Riff** : (annoyed) happily employed.

 **Columbia** : already?

 **Riff** : I'm sure she'll tell us more once she's finished for the day. What's this you're reading?

 **Columbia** : just some science thing I found. It was written by Earthlings so it might seem kinda primitive to you. You're Mr. Science Guy, yeah?

 **Riff** : you could say that.

 **Columbia** : I was just reading something that might interest you. So there's these pulses of energy that earth scanners have been picking up. According to this article they might be aliens trying to talk to us.

(Riff takes the magazine from Columbia and just rolls his eyes)

 **Riff** : 'aliens trying to talk to you'? These are pulsars, silly. They're merely spinning neutron stars with weird magnetic fields emitting rays of energy. There's no conscious meaning to it.

 **Columbia** : really? That's sad.

 **Riff** : Nobody's allowed to officially contact you lot until the planet at large has a basic knowledge of time warp travel.

 **Columbia** : how can you visit, then?

 **Riff** : we're the same species and we used to live here.

 **Columbia** : you're rogue Romans.

 **Riff** : indeed.

 **Columbia** : so there are actual aliens out there?

 **Riff** : the universe is so big… you can't even imagine it, I know you can't. If it were just humans living here, well, wouldn't that be an awful waste of space?

 **Columbia** : I guess. And I've always liked the idea of aliens. Well, ever since I heard Ziggy play guitar.

* * *

 **A/N: There's an attempted Carl Sagan reference in this scene... review if you got it! Or review if you like astronomy... or just review... because.  
**


	29. Episode 4, scene 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Show._**

 **A/N: Am I making Magenta a Mary-Sue? Throughout the story she accidentally becomes the hero of some characters, to her annoyance, and later takes advantage of a repulsive man named Malvolio's crush on her. Everyone who can't truly help loves her, which is sort of useless though still entertaining for her. She hates Earth but it sure doesn't hate her... or so I'm trying to say.**

* * *

(Back at the coffee shop. It's late afternoon and nobody's really around)

 **Violet** : Most of the customers show up in the morning. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother keeping it open the rest of the time.

 **Magenta** : Is that so?

(Violet looks at the clock, then walks over to the door)

 **Violet** : that kid I mentioned - Tom - will be here soon. I think I see him outside.

(Enter Tom)

 **Tom** : Aunt Violet! Who's this girl?

 **Magenta** : My name Patricia and I work here now.

 **Tom** : Aunt Violet doesn't usually hire random people. Are you sure you aren't her new girlfriend?

 **Magenta** : I've got a boyfriend already. Well, husband.

 **Tom** : You're married? Where's the ring? (imitation Daleks) "Explain! Explain!"

 **Violet** : Don't be rude, Tom.

 **Magenta** : He's fine, Violet. (to Tom) I left the ring at home. My husband… Terry… was cleaning it.

 **Tom** : Aunt Violet, why did you hire this girl?

 **Violet** : She told one of those anti-semitic guys that we should start crucifying Christians like we did in the good old days. I was impressed by such boldness and I thought you'd be impressed, too.

 **Tom** : You were right. That's awesome!

 **Magenta** : I don't want to be a hero - what have I gotten myself into?

 **Tom** : Nothing.

 **Magenta** : And that's what you won't be getting into.

 **Tom** : I don't get it.

 **Magenta** : Marvelous.

 **Violet** : Tom, do you think she'd get along with the others?

 **Magenta** : I thought I was supposed to be serving coffee to them?

 **Violet** : I also want you to help with this little club of mine.

 **Magenta** : What sort of club?

 **Tom** : After school a lot of kids meet here. Geeks and other weirdos, mostly.

 **Magenta** : Why?

 **Violet** : Different reasons. These kids don't get along with most people. They're people who need community.

 **Magenta** : This sounds too, er, complicated for me. I thought I'd merely be serving coffee to them. Can I just work here during the day?

 **Violet** : I suppose.

(Magenta leaves, sort of confused)

* * *

 **Please Review!**

 **A/N: Having mentioned that our "Columbia" is an actual scientist, I feel like I should tell you the rest of our jobs. "Riff Raff" is played by a guy who works at the front desk . The cameraman who also plays 'Tom' went to school to be a cinematographer but currently has a 'normal' job. Then there's me, student/fangirl/writer. None of these people are actors!**

 **Does anyone even care? I sure like hearing little fun facts about random stuff...**


	30. Episode 4, scene 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show._**

 **A/N: Thank you for reviewing, Vengeance FoREVer! I'm glad you're enjoying this and I'm even more glad that you'd watch the video series form of it!**

* * *

(The living room. Enter Magenta and Riff.)

 **Riff** : How was work, my dear? Will you explain now that we're home?

 **Magenta** : My new boss is a middle-aged woman who recently broke up with a long-term girlfriend. She runs a sort of social club for for teenaged social outcasts. Also, she loves me because I accidentally defended the Jews. I'm a bloody hero.

 **Riff** : You've been busy, my dear.

 **Magenta** : Indeed. (Pause) I will return to her shop tomorrow. Though I must find a wedding ring somewhere before I see Tom again.

 **Riff** : Tom?

 **Magenta** : Oh, don't be jealous. He's a 15-year-old who I had the misfortune of meeting. When I told him I was married he asked about a ring.

 **Riff** : Do you want to wear Cordelia's ring?

 **Magenta** : You mean my mother's?

 **Riff** : Who else do we know that's named Cordelia?

 **Magenta** : How should I know?

 **Riff** : Do you still have her ring?

 **Magenta** : Yes. That ring has been mine since she died. That was the day of my birth.

 **Riff** : Wear it, then.

 **Magenta** : I was going to wear it when I married.

 **Riff** : We should get married.

 **Magenta** : How?

 **Riff** : I don't know.

 **Magenta** : We both act as though we are married, so why bother with an ceremony? What's marriage but an official agreement between two persons, a contract of some kind in which they swear to love each other, etc, until either death or divorce papers. We are married, having sworn our true love many times over. The lack of paperwork means nothing.

 **Riff** : Fine. (Pause) Go get the ring, now.

(Magenta leaves. '10 minutes later'. She returns with a ring)

 **Riff** :

This is the ring?

 **Magenta** : Yes. I'll wear it tomorrow. Then that boy will stop pestering me, or at least lessen his pestering.

 **Riff** : I never got to see you in awful yellow shoes, a white gown, and a fiery veil.

 **Magenta** : So? You never got to carry me over the threshold to your house.

 **Riff** : I never had a house of my own.

 **Magenta** : We've got this house now.

 **Riff** : It's not our, dear sister.

 **Magenta** : I wish you'd romantically carried me over the threshold of your house on the first night we were together.

 **Riff** : Our first night together was very un-romantic. We were both drunk-

 **Magenta** : And you were very cross with me the next day!

 **Riff** : If we'd been a proper couple, there would've been a wedding party and you would've worn the finest wedding clothes and your father would've paid me for taking you.

 **Magenta** : I'm surprised he didn't anyway. When I pointed out how much my sister's hated him he just kicked me out. Very literally.

 **Riff** : Maybe the fact that we now live here is good. Our pasts are still at home with our father and your sisters.

 **Magenta** : Nothing will make Earth 'good' in my eyes. Don't even try, mister.

* * *

 **Please Review!**

 **A/N: The backstory for Riff & Mags used in this series is nearly the same as the one in my other story _A Strange Love_. Though some things are different and Transylvanian culture is more overtly Roman-based. **

**Also... this is the last scene of Episode 4. All that's left after that is episode five. Then there's seasons 2-3, plus a potential full-length fanmovie. Though all _that_ 's not fully written out yet. **


	31. Episode 5, scene 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

* * *

(Magenta's room. Both girls are getting ready for the day.)

 **Columbia** : I talked to your brother about science stuff yesterday.

 **Magenta** : good for you.

 **Columbia** : he seems to think all Earthlings are stupid when it comes to science.

 **Magenta** : but he doesn't! He adores Nikola Tesla, just as I adore that naughty-minded bastard Will Shakespeare.

 **Columbia** : Shakespeare was a genius.

 **Magenta** : a genius with a talent for risqué humor. It's funny that you don't know that. I'm the alien here.

 **Columbia** : yeah, well, I don't read much.

 **Magenta** : ooh, but you should. (Pause) we're planning to send you back to school. You never made it past your 11th year?

 **Columbia** : you're right, and you know why… you forced me to tell you.

 **Magenta** : yes. Because you're a coward.

 **Columbia** : I'm not!

 **Magenta** : you are. How could your petty secret really force you to leave everything? It was a severe overreaction.

 **Columbia** : it wasn't. Watch life in Denton for long enough and you'll see. It's the same there.

 **Magenta** : enough of this - it's not even relevant. What I'm trying to say is that I plan to enroll you as a 12th grader at the local upper-school.

 **Columbia** : do you mean 'high school'?

 **Magenta** : perhaps.

 **Columbia** : I'm too old by about three years.

 **Magenta** : act younger, then. You're good at being something you aren't. (Sighs) Doesn't school sound interesting? You like talking to my brother about science. Not to mention it'll get you out of the house-

 **Columbia** : is that what this is about? Keeping me out of trouble?

 **Magenta** : that's what my job at Violet Weiss's shop is about, too. All of us will go mad if we're stuck here too long… Columbia, it's for the best.

 **Columbia** : fine. (Pause) What if people ask questions about my family?

 **Magenta** : we'll worry about such details later. Now I've got to go prepare breakfast.

* * *

 **Please Review!**


	32. Episode 5, scene 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

* * *

 **A/N: Fun Fact(s) - the kitchen we're filming is my aunt's. The other sets are part of my house... with the exception of castle exteriors, the foyer, the shop, and (possibly) the school offices. The former two are filmed at an actual castle, while the shop we're borrowing is a little hipster-y coffee place my cousins own.**

 **Maybe those are actually a not-fun/boring facts. Oh well.  
**

* * *

(The Kitchen. Magenta is cooking something. Enter Riff)

 **Riff** : You'll be going to work today?

 **Magenta** : Yes. Though I want to be dropped off early. We need to talk to Denton High about their new student.

 **Riff** : She's agreed to it, then.

 **Magenta** : Nearly.

 **Riff** : You're going to pretend to be her elder sister?

 **Magenta** : Her guardian. I might not really specify.

 **Riff** : You should.

 **Magenta** : What will we call her, do you think?

 **Riff** : Her bills were written to a 'Laura Trent'. Since Columbia isn't really a common name I believe that Laura is her legal name.

 **Magenta** : You learned a lot snooping around her apartment.

 **Riff** : I must admit we did.

 **Magenta** : So you think we should enroll her under that name?

 **Riff** : Yes, dear.

 **Magenta** : Why not call her Laura Addams? We _are_ claiming she's my sister. Surely people will recognize 'Laura Trent'?

 **Riff** : If you think she can remember the name Addams.

 **Magenta** : I think she's smarter than you think.

(Enter Columbia)

 **Columbia** : Who's smarter than Riff thinks?

 **Magenta** : Oh, nobody.

 **Riff** (at the same time): You, apparently.

(Magenta rolls her eyes)

* * *

 **Please Review!  
**

 **(You know, that 'please review' thing is pretty much just part of the format I use for all my stories. I hope it's not getting too annoying.)**


	33. Episode 5, scene 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: This new OC, 'Mr. Grumio' is partly named after the slave in the 'Britcom' _Plebs_ (himself named after** ** **the slave from _The Cambridge Latin Course_ ).** My character apparently feels like a slave to the school (because he does many different jobs). Hopefully he provides decent comic relief.  
**

* * *

(An office at Denton High School. Mr. Malvolio Grumio - the vice principal/secretary/etc - sits at the desk gloomily. Enter Magenta as "Mrs. Addams")

 **Mr. Grumio** : hullo, what do you want?

 **Mrs. Addams** : my family just moved into town, rather unexpectedly, and we need to enroll my younger sister in school. She should be graduating with the class of 1974.

 **Mr. Grumio** : oh? You know it's halfway through the year.

 **Mrs. Addams** : I do.

 **Mr. Grumio** : What if she can't adjust?

 **Mrs. Addams** : if there's one thing Laura can do it's adjust.

 **Mr. Grumio** :(sarcastically) lucky her.

 **Mrs. Addams** : she's lucky, you're lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky.

 **Mr. Grumio** : what lies! I, Malvolio Grumio, am a slave to this school. I do all the work nobody else will.

 **Mrs. Addams** : poor old you. Now, can we get back to discussing Laura? She's practically been a daughter to me since our parents died in a mildly amusing freak accident in Washington DC.

 **Mr. Grumio** : what sort of freak accident?

 **Mrs. Addams** : the freaky sort. Ever since that day I've spent much effort raising young Laura by hand. Once I married my dear husband Terry she became even more like a daughter, taking his surname as I did.

 **Grumio** : what's your name?

 **Mrs. Addams** : Patricia Addams.

 **Grumio** : what a lovely name, ma'am, what a lovely name.

 **Mrs. Addams** : that's beside the point. Will you help me get Laura a place here?

 **Grumio** : I'll do all I can. Because I do virtually everything around her I do have some influence.

 **Mrs. Addams** : thank you, Mr. Grumio.

(She smiles sweetly)

 **Grumio** (aside): what a woman! I've fallen in love, I think. There's something so very interesting about her. I'd do anything - even wear ugly yellow pants with black stripes - to gain her affection!

 **Mrs. Addams** : which classes will she be in?

 **Grumio** : oh, all the usual ones. I'll try to get her in Mr. Letsa's science class if I can. He's terribly in demand.

 **Mrs. Addams** : oh?

 **Grumio** : the other science teacher, Dr. Scott, is a well-hated cripple and, allegedly, an operation paperclip Nazi. Letsa is wildly popular genius that everyone wants to be taught by.

 **Mrs. Addams** : fascinating.

 **Grumio** : it sure is.

(Pause)

 **Mrs. Addams** : is there some paperwork I should sign? For enrolling Laura I mean.

 **Grumio** : yes, right here. (Opens up desk drawer) We rarely get new students at Denton High so space isn't an issue. (Hands her the papers).

 **Mrs. Addams** : may I take this home to fill out?

 **Grumio** : sure thing, Mrs Addams!

 **Mrs. Addams** : thank you.

(She leaves with the paperwork)

 **Grumio** (aside): what a woman…

* * *

 **Please Review!**


	34. Episode 5, scene 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: So, I've got a few new scenes for earlier episodes. Hopefully I won't confuse people by posting them (which I'll type up after I've posted this).**

* * *

Scene 4:

(Back at the castle. The servants and Columbia have gathered in the kitchen.)

 **Columbia** : you're really gonna send me to school?

 **Magenta** : obviously. It'll be fun!

 **Columbia** : and you honestly think I'll pass as a teenager?

 **Riff** : people usually accept the reality presented to them. If they're told that you're an 18-year-old and there's no obvious proof otherwise surely they'll go along with it.

 **Magenta** : not to mention you certainly dress the part.

 **Columbia** : hey!

 **Riff** : anyway, we've filled out most of the paperwork as the Addams family -

(Columbia giggles, the confused aliens ignore her)

 **Riff** : - and we need you to sign as _Laura_ Addams. Then my dear sister can turn the paperwork.

 **Magenta** : Mr. Grumio will certainly be glad to see me.

 **Riff** : who?

 **Magenta** : just the man at the front desk. He seemed somewhat attracted to me in a perfectly harmless way.

 **Riff** : _does_ he?

 **Magenta** : Poor thing doesn't even know how to flirt back!

 **Riff** : good. I won't have to commit homicide.

 **Columbia** : you're both insane. (Pause) That reminds me! I've thought of a nickname for you two.

 **Magenta** : what?

 **Columbia** : CSI - Crazy Space Incest!

 **Magenta** : how colorful.

 **Riff** : how terrible.

 **Columbia** : How perfect!

(Pause)

 **Magenta** : shouldn't you be signing the paperwork, _Laura_?

 **Columbia** : yeah.

(She does so, with slight regret. Then she hands it to Magenta.)

 **Magenta** : I'll be turning this in tomorrow afternoon, after work.

 **Columbia** : and I'll go back to school on Monday…

* * *

 **Please Review!  
**

 **A/N: Sorry about the bad attempt at a _Firefly_ fandom reference. The day I wrote this scene the girl playing Columbia and I were talking about how some people ship Simon/River. **


	35. Episode 5, Scene 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: FireandBloodandKittens, who I wrote 'Violet' for, pointed out that Magenta is a bit of a Mary Sue. I've decided to re-write the character slightly so she hired Magenta partly out of fear. Of course, earlier chapters won't be updated in the hope that people will watch the series (in theory, people will want to see the 'better' script so they'll watch the series). Given the depressing lack of reviews people aren't reading this and my 'diabolical plan' might not work... oh well.**

* * *

(Violet's shop, the next day. Violet is at the counter, though there aren't really any customers. Enter Magenta.)

 **Magenta** : Hello, Violet.

 **Violet** : hello… have you brought your gun today?

 **Magenta** : yes. It's set on stun, by the way.

 **Violet** : if I may ask… why do you carry it around like that?

 **Magenta** : habit. I never hurt anyone with it.

 **Violet** : Does stunning them hurt?

 **Magenta** : knocking someone out for a few hours isn't too wrong.

 **Violet** : it could probably get you arrested. Sheriff Krupke would be upset if you knocked out one of his citizens - even one that deserved it.

 **Magenta** : you'd hate that too.

 **Violet** : sort of… I couldn't do it, at least. I don't like standing up to people because I hate fighting where people can see. I'm trying to be extremely harmless so people don't think I'm some kind of monster.

(Enter Eddie, sort of suddenly)

 **Eddie** : hey, Auntie Violet! Who's this girl?

 **Violet** : Why aren't you at school, Eddie?

 **Eddie** : 'cause.

 **Patricia** : what year are you?

 **Eddie** : 12th. Why?

 **Violet** : for the 4th time, about. Young Eddie here isn't the most devoted student.

 **Patricia** : I'd say.

 **Eddie** : why do you care what grade I'm in?

 **Patricia** : we're enrolling my younger sister at Denton High so she can finish up senior year.

 **Violet** : I get what you're saying... Eddie could help her get used to life at Denton High.

 **Patricia** : does that sound like a reasonable idea?

 **Violet** : (wearily) coming from you, yes.

 **Eddie** : what do ya mean?

 **Violet** : Patricia can be a bit too passionate at times. The day we met she surprised me with her… boldness.

 **Patricia** : did I really?

* * *

 **Please Review!  
**


	36. Episode 5, Scene 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: Nobody is reviewing this. Is it really that bad? I hope not, since I've spent a lot of time filming it and writing it and so on. It's supposed to be a gift to my fellow fans and they (apparently) don't even like it. Oh dear, I'm complaining again.  
**

* * *

(The school's office, after hours. Nobody is there save for a man, Professor Letsa, rummaging around in one of the cabinets. Enter Magenta)

 **Magenta** : Ye Gods, you scared me.

 **Letsa** : did I?

 **Magenta** : sir... you're dead! You died over two decades ago!

 **Letsa** : I came back. There was unfinished business.

 **Magenta** : Really? (Pause) Well, it's an honor to meet you. My brother will be very jealous!

 **Letsa** : He's a fan?

 **Magenta** : Yes. Where I'm from, at least, you're very popular.

 **Letsa** : Here I am not. That's part of the reason I've managed to stay in _hiding_.

(B-Movie lightning effect)

(Cut to credits)

* * *

 **A/N: A cliffhanger stupider than the one in _Drag_ onfire: Part 1! Ah well, this _is_ supposed to be a bit of a campy comedy - just like those b-movies Richard O'Brien apparently liked.  
**

 **Please Review!**


	37. Series 1 Epilogue

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

* * *

 **A/N: This is an optional 'epilogue' I wrote _before_ we visited our main location and realized it would be far easier to film basically the entire show in one weekend. Originally I planned for us to make a pilot and only film the rest after the pilot had been on YouTube or whatever for a while.  
**

 **I still want to film this scene when we film the rest of the series. Of course, it's very likely to get cut.  
**

* * *

(a dimly-lit study, like the Criminologist's study in Rocky Horror. Someone is sitting at a desk writing on paper. The person turns on another light, and now we see that they're Magenta/Usherette. She reads the writing to the audience)

 **Usherette** : it is not the custom for a lady to be the Epilogue. Though it's also not the custom for a man to wear a frilly corset, or for young people to act out a film as it plays. We are already of guilty of doing things that're 'not the custom', I suppose, so I may as well be the Epilogue. I'm here to assure you that this is not the end of the story. There's much more, yet unfilmed. Did you really expect it to end here? Why, that was a mere prologue to a grand series full of terrible thrills. We, your players, are only getting started. Adieu, for now… friends, Transylvanians, Shadowcasts...

(Lights dim, end credits play)

* * *

 **PLEASE Review!**


	38. Series 2, Ep 1, Prologue

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: Series one explains how they ended up with Columbia and introduced most of the main characters. Series two shows us how they started working at the church and how Eddie ended up living at the castle.**

* * *

(A random Sunday morning, in the kitchen. Magenta and Columbia are eating breakfast. Enter Riff Raff).

 **Riff** : I've got a proposal for everyone.

 **Magenta** : Do you propose we have sex? I can't right now, my dear, because I really must finish cooking breakfast.

 **Columbia** : Don't say that again, please!

 **Magenta** : What?

 **Columbia** : Anything about sex with your brother.

 **Riff** : For once I agree with the Earthling. It's our business what we do in bed, not anyone else's.

 **Magenta** : You aren't any fun!

 **Riff** : Back to my original purpose. To avoid everyone going even more insane than they already are I've decided we get jobs outside the castle. There's a place of worship nearby that's often empty yet in need of volunteers.

 **Columbia** : A church?

 **Magenta** : Churches and Columbia don't get along, or so her 'secret' tells me.

 **Riff** : Her… secret?

 **Columbia** : Back to the idea of working at churches!

 **Riff** : Yes…

 **Columbia** : What will we do?

 **Riff** : Mostly dig graves. Father Paul McKenzie is elderly and somewhat frail so he has trouble doing so. We'll also help clean and carry coffins.

 **Magenta** : Sounds extraordinary.

 **Columbia** : Sounds gross.

 **Riff** : it sounds like a somewhat decent idea.

* * *

 **Please Review!**

 **A/N: if anybody reading has any ideas for series 2 (or even series one - we're still filming it) please PM me or review. I'd credit you in the end credits if I use any ideas you give me.**


	39. Series 2, Ep 1, Scene 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show._ If I did this show of mine might have an actual budget.**

 **A/N: This is probably the last bit of series two I'll write/post before I finish filming series one. At least that won't be more than a few months from now (if we don't get behind schedule).**

* * *

(In Magenta's bedroom. She's going through her closet with Columbia, looking for something to wear when they visit the church.)

 **Columbia** : You can't wear black!

 **Magenta** : Say who?

 **Columbia** : People. Look, they'll think you're in mourning or that you're a troublemaker.

 **Magenta** : I could care less.

 **Columbia** : This isn't your home, Magenta. It's not the best idea for you to stand out. They'll accuse you of being a KGB Agent.

 **Magenta** : Really?

 **Columbia** : This is serious! I really don't want anything bad to happen to any of us.

 **Magenta** : Don't you worry. We know how to not be noticed by the Earthling authorities.

 **Columbia** : What do ya mean?

 **Magenta** : My government spies very closely on yours and nobody's noticed. We even know who Deep Throat is!

 **Columbia** : besides a porno?

* * *

 **Please Review!  
**

 **A/N: Though she knows a lot about pop culture, Columbia is clueless about politics. To be honest I'm also a bit like that... though I live in DC so I know some stuff about the government and such. Also, like most people, I indeed go to school... unlike Columbia, who dropped out (according to series one of this story and a lot of other fanfics).**


	40. Series 2, Ep 1, Scene 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show._ Never did and never will. Alas.**

 **A/N: Yes sir, I'm back from Junksville (as they say) and ready to work. No more heroin for me! I've been sober for almost 30 days. Also, I have my own production company now. Our first three projects are a sitcom called _Rare Birds_ , a spy series, and an originalized version of this very script. if all goes as planned they should all be on Amazon Prime soon enough. Hopefully you guys will tune in. It should be pretty cool.**

* * *

(Establishing shot of church. Probably St. James in Arlington, VA... because it's beautiful)

(Inside the Church, in some sort of waiting area next to the vocations office[?]. Magenta - dressed in something dark blue and practical - is looking rather surly. Columbia stands beside her, cheerful yet nervous. They're waiting for)

Magenta: Earthlings worship their Gods here? (sarcastically) How extraordinary.

Columbia: Well, yeah... it's a Church.

Magenta: It reminds me of bureaucracy and death. Like a funeral home meets the DVM, or whatever it's called. There really ought to be a long line of collection of weary, unemployed dropouts. It's _that_ sort of place.

Columbia: Well, that's just this room. (Smiles happily) I think it's pretty - especially the stained glass!

Magenta: Oh, you would.

Columbia: Be nice, Mags.

Magenta: Please don't call me that. I'm not a stray puppy... or a pet frog.

(Before Columbia can reply a gloomy, glasses-wearing Church official appears. His name is Mr. Boterham [Dutch for sandwich] and he looks a bit undead. He probably hasn't smiled since 1930 or so)

Boterham: (peering at the girls over his glasses) You're here about the janitorial job, I - hum! - presume.

Magenta: (charmingly) Of course.

Boterham: Hum. My name is Mr. Boterham. Why don't you follow me... this way...

Columbia: Wait!

Magenta: What?

Columbia: Shouldn't I be at school?

Magenta: You're right. (Pause) Well, go on then.

(Columbia leaves, rather quickly)

Boterham: Hum! Follow me... this way...

* * *

 **Please Review! Or something! Ye Gods, I haven't done this in ages...**

 **A/N: When Magenta says "DVM" she means "DMV", as in the hellish place with all the lines where one goes to get a Driver's License. Also, in this context, the word "hum" doesn't mean anything. It's a sound made by a slightly insane old man.**


	41. Series 2, Ep 1, Scene 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Rocky Horror._ Even after all these years of writing fabulous fanfic. **

**A/N: I don't know why they're reading _This Side of Paradise_. Well, actually, I do. It's my favorite F. Scott Fitzgerald book and it's in the public domain, which means I can't be sued for quoting. Hoopla. **

* * *

(Denton High school. The English classroom. There're only a few students. After all, it's a pretty small town.)

(The teacher - a youngish woman named Ms. Jenna Sayre, who dresses like a beatnik - stands at the front of the classroom reading F. Scott Fitzgerald's _This Side of Paradise_ out loud.)

Sayre: _But Beatrice Blaine! There was a woman! Early pictures taken on her father's estate at Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, or in Rome at the Sacred Heart Convent—an educational extravagance that in her youth was only for the daughters of the exceptionally wealthy—showed the exquisite delicacy of her features, the consummate art and simplicity of her clothes. A brilliant education she had—her youth passed in renaissance glory, she was versed in the latest gossip of the Older Roman Families;_

(Enter Columbia.)

Sayre: Hello! You're our new student, yes? Laura?

Columbia: Yep.

Sayre: Welcome! My name is Ms. Sayre and I teach English here at Denton High School. Why don't you take a seat?

(Columbia does so, awkwardly)

Sayre: Right now we're reading _This Side of Paradise_ by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Do you know it?

Columbia: Uh, no. I don't think so.

Sayre: Oh. Well, you will soon. (Beat) Where was I?

Student 1/Stella: " _known by name as a fabulously wealthy American girl"_

Sayre: Thank you. _K_ _nown by name as a fabulously wealthy American girl to Cardinal Vitori and Queen Margherita and more subtle celebrities that one must have had some culture even to have heard of. She learned in England to prefer whiskey and soda to wine, and her small talk was broadened in two senses during a winter in Vienna. All in all Beatrice O'Hara absorbed the sort of education that will be quite impossible ever again..._

* * *

 **Please Review!**


	42. Series 2, Ep 1, Scene 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: I might have to up the rating soon. Oh dear. These new friends of Columbia's aren't so innocent. In fact, they're supposed to be a bit like the Drapes from _Cry Baby._ Very 1950s. They use a lot of hilariously outdated slang. I stole some of it from _Junky_ by William S. Burroughs.**

* * *

(Columbia is trying to navigate the lunchroom. She looks really lost. Unpopular for the first time. Scared of the other students.)

(Suddenly, Eddie spots her and waves. Columbia walks over to his table. He's sitting with two girls - Stella and Barb. The former is sophisticated and grown up looking, like an escort. The latter seems oddly childlike… in a risque, Kinderwhore kinda way.)

Eddie: Hey, doll. You're the new girl, aren't you?

Columbia: Yep. My name's Laura.

Eddie: I'm Eddie. These two chicks are Stella and Barb-Baby.

Barb: Oh, don't call me that. Just because I'm the youngest of the-

Stella: I think we're in the same English class. Sayre, right?

Columbia: She looks like a Beatnik, doesn't she?

Stella: I know! And she really _is_ hip.

Columbia: That's good. (Pause) Right?

Eddie: It helps cats like us.

Stella: Yeah. She's more forgiving of our faults.

Eddie: Hell, she even smokes tea sometimes. Behind the school.

Columbia: No way!

Barb: Yes way.

Columbia: How do you know?

Eddie: I provide it.

Columbia: You deal?

Stella: Don't be stupid. It's not dealing when it's just reefer.

Eddie: Be nice, Stel.

Columbia: Do you think you could score me something, too? Maybe 'ludes or goofballs?

Eddie: Sure, sure. Hell, I could probably get you the hard stuff.

Columbia: (Eyes widen in shock) H?

Stella: What do you think he meant?

Columbia: That's serious shit!

Eddie: It's nothin' when you've got connections. Anyway, we're cool cats. Hip kids. Nothing like the squares sittin' over there.

Columbia: I can tell.

(Beat)

Barb: So, Laura, where did you go to school before?

Columbia: Different places. You wouldn't know 'em. I only just moved here.

Stella: Huh. Cute.

(Stella looks at her watch. Then, rather suddenly, she picks up her bag and leaves.)

Columbia: Is she okay?

Eddie: (Shrugs) Yeah.

Barb: She does that.

Columbia: Aren't you worried?

Barb: No. It's just Stella being Stella.

Columbia: (Nervously) Cool.

(Awkward pause)

Eddie: We're having a party this weekend, y'know. Do you wanna come?

Columbia: I -

Barb: You don't have to. Their parties can get a bit wild.

Columbia: Will there be beer?

(Barb nods)

Columbia: Pills? Weed? Acid?

Eddie: Yeah. Probably. I've always got somethin' lyin' around.

Columbia: You really do sound like my kind of guy. (Pause) You aren't in a band, are you?

Eddie: I play sax and I can kinda sing.

Columbia: Perfect.

* * *

 **Please Review!**


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